cut me to the core.
all the things i cannot see.
fuck you all.
hide your pleasures in that red shadow
that follows you around and keeps
you in the company of strangers.
fuck you.
and if i could scream it to your face
it would be with tears and disappointment
for knowing that i let you break my heart.
and how my heart is barely hanging on.
with its aching pains to even breath beneath
my shallow skin that has begun to rip apart.
for you are what needs to be thrown away.
into the deep hole that you have dug yourself
and let fill with ruin from the garbage that you have
created.
fuck you very much.

all in all
what i used to keep in the small back yard of my memories
i have slowly begun to let die
with the hopes that soon i will replant in the mess
that i have made
newness
and life
for the memories i have torn out of my soul and my mind
and that have left my hands burning and raw
with the desire the fills my soul and makes my eyes
sting
are old ones.
ones that have rotted my teeth and made my dreams
feel foul.
the memory of you.
with your ways that i have pushed against and rebelled
and that have made my life sore with loneliness of
your ................... goodbye
and you
with your selfish plans of late night blow jobs and
hot cum that stays fresh in my mouth and makes me
sick............and your weak kisses of ....nothing
and you.....and with your hands that i still long
to caress my legs and your teeth that smile at me from
between my legs........and your soul that stole mine.....
and you.....
you!
you!
with your secret meeting places and your lustful eyes
that make my legs ache and my lips swell
fuck you....
and last but not least in the back of my mind....
there is you.
with what i knew so well and could understand with the
quick glance in your direction
oh you...with your spirit that i have now forgotten and
with your memories that have begun to blur and fade away
and run down the window panes of my mind like
a rain storm....
washing you away.....
........
away.....

kiss me with those heavy laden lips of yours.
in the dark when all i can see is the shadows in your skin.
walk with me to the end of time and let me fall slowly
into the gentle pool of youth.
and as i let myself drown
sing to me the songs that made me love you
long before the earth was formed and long before
my eyes held your naked form in them.
as your hold my hand pull me under the waves
and kiss my neck to make this slow decent easier.
for you boy with your slow ways and your stale smell
of youthful lust and cigerettes.
are what keeps me whole inside myself and makes my tongue
swell with just one sweet
taste
of your
skin
under my fingers.
so lets go together.
down
down
d
ooooo
w
n
in the this abyss that will carry our souls on into the the great
unknown and keep them in a box
until the end of time.

there are moments in my life when i think that maybe i can live with what i have done. that my insides wont be continually eaten alive by moths of truth. but then i awake each morning on the wrong side of the bed and feel that need for freedom creaking in my knees and i know that you are only holding me back and making my tongue taste like long lost cigarette smoke that fills up my throat and makes me cough. what i wish was blood but instead its only tears and those small things that you have whispered to me in the dark after the long sweaty fuck that took place and made me feel beautiful and sad at the same time. in the midst of secrets and blankets, that you lay tangled in and stare up at me while i dress my once naked body in the guiltiness of stained sheets. forget the way my skin feels against yours and the way your month feels against my breast as i take long breaths to keep myself from letting sane thoughts go through my head. for me and you are against all odds and we both taste that stale rejection of open love as we steal kisses in the shadow of trees along the open road of affairs. the odds push against my skin with your fingertips and i crave what i will never be able have. and with that i list it. as it has come to me. with the early morning dawn and the empty imprint of your body that once laid next to be and kissed my neck.

your touch. in the open. with the light and the feeling of fresh air that brings forth spring. your eyes that say so much to me in the quick glances and tender moments and the longing that fills them up when i see you. your dick that makes me want what i cant have all the time and when i have you within my grasp i yearn for it more and more. your voice that spills down my spine and clicks in my ears and makes me feel safe and for the cheapest example. happy. and of course you. your smell. kisses. hair. legs. cum. and the taste that you leave in my house. long after you gone that i can breath in and fell in flow through my mouth.

oh boy. i cannot say goodbye. not when there are moments that i need you more then i can say. or more then i will let myself say.