there are moments in my life when i think that maybe i can live with what i have done. that my insides wont be continually eaten alive by moths of truth. but then i awake each morning on the wrong side of the bed and feel that need for freedom creaking in my knees and i know that you are only holding me back and making my tongue taste like long lost cigarette smoke that fills up my throat and makes me cough. what i wish was blood but instead its only tears and those small things that you have whispered to me in the dark after the long sweaty fuck that took place and made me feel beautiful and sad at the same time. in the midst of secrets and blankets, that you lay tangled in and stare up at me while i dress my once naked body in the guiltiness of stained sheets. forget the way my skin feels against yours and the way your month feels against my breast as i take long breaths to keep myself from letting sane thoughts go through my head. for me and you are against all odds and we both taste that stale rejection of open love as we steal kisses in the shadow of trees along the open road of affairs. the odds push against my skin with your fingertips and i crave what i will never be able have. and with that i list it. as it has come to me. with the early morning dawn and the empty imprint of your body that once laid next to be and kissed my neck.

your touch. in the open. with the light and the feeling of fresh air that brings forth spring. your eyes that say so much to me in the quick glances and tender moments and the longing that fills them up when i see you. your dick that makes me want what i cant have all the time and when i have you within my grasp i yearn for it more and more. your voice that spills down my spine and clicks in my ears and makes me feel safe and for the cheapest example. happy. and of course you. your smell. kisses. hair. legs. cum. and the taste that you leave in my house. long after you gone that i can breath in and fell in flow through my mouth.

oh boy. i cannot say goodbye. not when there are moments that i need you more then i can say. or more then i will let myself say.